In His Dreams
by LeakySneakyOprichniki
Summary: "It's not mine. It's not me…" A heart filled with Darkness and the burning lust that doesn't belong to it.  Maybe on hiatus, discontinued, or deleted
1. It's Not Me

In _His_ Dreams I found A Calling

"It's not mine. It's not me…"

Riku stared hollowly into the reflection in the mirror before him; a reflection, _His_ reflection. For it could never be Riku's. It wasn't the reflection of a young boy filled with promises. It was the brawny frame of a malice laced man. It could never be him he had told himself since he had changed. He eyes ached from the image and Riku turned away. His hands supporting his wait on the bathroom counter. He was shaking.

He dared to look back at this man—the man that wasn't him, but it _was_. Cautiously he looked himself over. His large hands brushed over the bronze skin of his arms. The light white-ish hairs were wiry under his finger tips. He moved up to his shoulder, and ran a precarious hand through his ghost white mane and shivered. He shifted his vision to the man's eyes. They were a glow-in-the-dark orange, and the stayed that way. He traced over his lips; full and soft. His hand fell to his side as the bile rose to his throat, and he scowled _his_ scowl.

"It's not me…it's _him_." He repeated. Riku had never felt more uncomfortable in his life. He was a boy forced to take the shape of a grown man. Not just any man, no a man he despised with all of his heart and soul. A man he refused to name but had to live with seeing his reflection day in and day out.

Riku ripped his vision away from his mirror. The urge to break it threatened to over whelm him. He silently exited from his bathroom to the bed room next door. Nervously, he looked over his tiny apartment. Ansem the Wise has attempted to help him by giving him a place to stay. He needed this time alone to sort out his feelings, thoughts, and this…_mess._

He swayed to his bed—he had to buy a larger one for obvious purposes—and sat down on its edge. His head plopped into his hands and he sighed. The sound felt unnatural to Riku. It was deep and rumbled out of his chest and throat. Just like the rest of his voice.

Through the openings of his fingers, Riku looked down at his bare feet and legs. They were brown, just like the rest of his skin. He stared for a while concentrating on the different color. He tried to remember what his legs looked like before. Pale, and not as long and thick. He tilted his head up sadly, he disliked this body. This man…

For a final time, Riku sighed and ignored the sound that rumbled out. Tiredly, he laid back on his back pulling the black comforter over him, but didn't close his eyes. Sleeping bothered him, there were no dreams. Just darkness when he slept. There was darkness, and temptation; the kind that ate at your conscious and ripped the foundation of your soul. Riku knew why he couldn't close his eyes. In his being there was a caged jaguar and if he let it out, _he'd_ eat his heart…Against his will Riku drifted into sleep.

He moaned deep in his throat. Burning desire swelled in his groin as he held feminine thighs and his hips bucked. The woman above him –soft and gentle—pleasured him. Her hands trailed down his muscular body and fondled him in divine places. Her long purple hair tickled his chest and arms as she slid against him. _Riku_ moaned, and his eyes widened as he realized himself. He wasn't in his apartment he was in someone bed.

"Who is this?" Riku thought in a pleasured daze. He looked up to her face in the haze of the dream. She was beautiful. Her milky brown skin contrasted against _his_ and her giggle smooth to his ears. She was half naked as she straddled his hips and grinded against him.

"Do, you like that, Ansem?" Her hands moved from his chest lower and lower, till he gasped.

Riku snapped up from his dream. His gasp echoed off his apartment walls. His tanned skin hot and slick, as he pulled away his damp sheets. He panted lightly confused by what had happened. He dreamed. But it had felt so real. So _good._ He shivered at the throb in his loins. A flash of disgust shot down his spine, and he hissed through clenched teeth.

He stood up from his bed and grudgingly looked himself over. His erection jutted out of his lone boxer-briefs.

That wasn't a dream, Riku realized, it was a memory. It was Ansem's memory. He could feel lust pool and arouse the darkness that coated his heart. He looked down to himself again and hated with a passion. The throb was unbearable, but Riku wouldn't _dare_ relieve himself. Not in _his body_.

The memory flashed again, and a name came to his mind.

"_Phoebe…_" Riku whispered. "Her name was Phoebe…" An unknown source spoke out to him in his mind. Except, it wasn't unknown. It was Ansem…

**Authors notes:**

**Sorry it was so short just a little I idea I got revolving around Riku and Ansem, or more importantly Ansem's memories. This is not yoai, so don't get your hopes up. :D I'm not sure what to exactly call this kind of fic. **

**It might stretch out to five chapters. I'm not sure. I hope you enjoy. **

**Who's Phoebe and what's she got to do with Ansem, and why is Ansem evoking these dreams of her….food for thought. **


	2. So Noticeable

Chapter 2

_So Noticeable _

A florescent green light flickered in an uneven pattern. On and off. Then, off and on. The clock's alarm screeched hours ago, but even before that, Riku had been awake. Why did a blank white ceiling always become so fascinating at three in the morning? He slowly turned his heavy head towards his nightstand. Well, it was 4:30 now.

This bothered him. It bothered him a lot. He was used to the insomnia, the nightmares, and slight depression. Those were the usual gifts that darkness graced Riku with at night. But, this time, he was granted something _completely _different. The memory of it flashed in his mind and he shivered as his blood monetarily ran hot.

Then there was the echo of a voice he'd realized he'd forgotten. It only donned on him now that Ansem had not spoken in a while—a month to be exact—and it was enough to make Riku paranoid. It was ironic; he had disregarded the monster he had to bare looking at everyday.

Riku let out a shaking breath before sitting up in bed. He set his face in his russet hands and groaned. "Why me?" He whispered.

Riku's dark corridor faded in murky mist. He stepped down the dirt path passing by closed shops and festive stands. Peeking light rays of dawn were barely visible over a line of mountains, and only few oriental lanterns were lit in The Land of the Dragons.

Riku sniffed lightly and rubbed at his nose. He could see the light puffs of evaporation as he breathed. It was cold. Light coats of snow covered wood balconies and shingled roofs. He took the time to admire the surroundings and clear his mind. The culture was relaxing and the people were friendly for the most part. He also knew a large portion of Chinese so getting around wasn't very hard.

Riku stayed to the darkest of shadows to keep himself hidden and low key, but for some reason it was…_difficult_. No matter how low he kept his head he was still noticed. Feminine giggles drifted towards Riku's ears, and eager eyes settled on his partially covered face. "Just great," He murmured under his breath.

Single women and concubines ventured out of their households in morning dresses. Their hair pinned up in neat buns and loops with decorations dangling from the ends. Different kinds of colors and designs rustled as they walked in short distance of him. Some where small, some plump, but they all seemed to be interested in Riku. Or rather, his current appearance.

They whispered to themselves. Most were speaking Chinese, and some others in English. When he glanced their way they giggled louder.

"Do you think he's married?" One woman would ask.

"I hope not," Another would reply with a sultry tone.

"A man with such handsome features _must_ be taken!" A fat concubine batted her eyelashes and sashayed her hips.

"He's so tall, dark, and mysterious. Where is he from?"

"Diffidently not from here, but I see him often."

"Oh, look at his eyes they're beautiful!"

"Maybe the matchmaker will pair him with me! It would be divine!" The smallest woman out of the bunch gazed at Riku with hopefully eye.

Riku scoffed. He didn't find _anything_ attractive about the way he looked at the current moment. This always happened every where he went.

"Why the hell do I keep getting hit on every where I go?" Riku scowled, pulled his hood closer to his face, and rounded a corner. He was a tad disgusted. So much, that he wasn't paying attention as to wear he was scurrying off to. He bumped into a short woman in front of a tea shop, causing her to spill her cup.

"Oh my." She stared at the steam that rose from the broken pieces of porcelain on the ground.

"Ugh, I sorry ma'am." He bent over to scoop the cup shards out of the snow.

"Ahhh, there you are," She smiled at Riku. "I've been waiting for you."

**Author's Notes:**

**Yes, I know this was quite short! All most all of the chapters will probably be this way. I haven't abandoned this story! Don't worry. I've just been a tad busy. **

**It will move on more. I'll get there eventually! **

**R&R! **


	3. Tasseography

Chapter 3

_**Tasseography **_

"What?"

"Here, come inside. It's cold and you've been walking for a while. Haven't you?" The oriental woman's sly eyes scanned them. A warm smirk was painted across her lips in red paint.

"Yes, I have," Riku carried the shards of the broken tea cup in his large gloved hands. "How did you know?"

"I know many things. Come, sit." She took the shards from his hands, gave him the tip of her head, and gestured towards a worn tea table.

Riku took a small moment to look around as he followed her. Messy shelves were filled with scrolls, books, and jars filled with colorful spices. Crystal ornaments and ribbons dangled from the ceiling (Which was low. Riku had to bend over to fit under roof beams). The room was filled with several different aromas of Chinese tea. Riku squinted; it looked like a Chinese fortune teller shop.

"It is." The woman sat at one end of a table and moved a stack of cards out of the way. Tarot could be read in Chinese on the back of each one.

"What is?" Riku questioned her as he sat down on the other side. His black organization coat stretch over his legs and his hood fell to the top of his shoulders.

"This is indeed a tarot shop." She chuckled in her thick accent. "You're name is Riku—correct?" She extended her pale arms to a hot ceramic tea kettle and poured its steaming contents into a single cup.

"Yeah, that's my name. Yours?" He watched as she poured.

"It's not important."

"Then what is?"

"You're future."

"What's so important about my future?" Riku's white eyebrows knitted together.

"I wouldn't know. It's for you to decide. I'm here to give you a reading, and you're here to receive it dear." She smiled and planted the cup before him. "Drink," she encouraged.

Riku eyed her incredulously. He cautiously placed the tips of his fingers at the bottom of the cup, and drank.

"Are you done dear?" The fortune teller asked.

Riku nodded between his last gulps and sat the cup back down on the wooden table. He coughed lightly and rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth. The hot tea had rawed his mouth, and he could feel it burn down his throat.

"Do you know Tasseography , Riku?" She hooked a long polished finger nail into the cup and pulled it to her so she could see the bottom.

"Fortune in the reading of tea leaves, right?" Riku remembered.

"That's correct. So, let us see what you've got here." She pulled out a pair of bifocals from her black robe pocket and stationed them on the bridge of her small nose. She examined the damp tea leaves as she adjusted her vision.

"Hmm…Circle segments, Sleep."

"Hmm?" Riku hummed anxiously.

"Many knot shapes. There is anxiety and stress." She moved the cup around in her hands. "A chain figure—there was a chain of events. Venus—woman. Here we have Aries and ram—A strong emotion."

"Is that it?" Riku shifted his long legs.

"No. One last thing. I see an erect arrow. That is lust."

"I don't have a lust for anything… Not anymore." Riku was again confused. He didn't crave the darkness anymore. He had long sense abandoned it.

"You may not, but you carry the burden of someone else's. His body must be causing you so much turmoil," She sat the porcelain cup to the side.

"And how do you know how _he_ is?" Riku frowned.

"As I said dear Riku, I know many things." She laughed. Her thin eyes rose above her round cheeks. "If you want relieve your self of the darkness and lust, perhaps you should find the woman of your dreams." This time she cackled more so than laughed. "Sadly the match maker can't help you with that."

"Phoebe…?" He whispered.

"There! You have a name. You have all the information you need."

"I only have a name!"

"And you're appearance." She deviously shook her finger.

"…"

"I'm sure someone like you could get around." She rose gracefully from her pallet of pillows and took Riku by a brown wrist. "For now, I have done my job. You must do yours for yourself. You will come back to me when you are ready."

"What makes you think I'll trust you?" Riku growled.

"What makes you think you won't? Now, off with you."

And with that, Riku left.

**Author's Notes:**

**Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I've been so busy, and soooooo tired. Don't worry I haven't discontinued! I'm too tired to look over this a fifth time. Let me know if I missed some grammar or spelling. Ughhh, soooooo tired!**


	4. An apology

I want to start off by apologizing.

That this isn't a new chapter for this fanfiction

That I haven't added anything new to this in a long time

I've been caught up doing_ several_ other fanfictions, and sadly, never found the time to come back to this one. I will probably discontinue this,_ but_ I won't delete it unless that's okay with any of the people who have been reading

On a much lighter note, _I am in the process of doing a much better version of this_! I had started the newest version of this fanfiction as a one shot, but I will most likely stretch it out to two or three more chapters. It will have a similar, but not the same plot. I will or have cut out the mysterious woman and focused more on Riku's conflict with his temporary appearance. "Weird, or Maybe Interesting" is the title, and shouldn't be too hard to find if you are looking in the Ansem/Xehanort's Heartless tab. Again, sorry for such a long pause on this fanfiction. Input would be greatly appreciated on what I should do with this one.


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